insipration for writing is something that hasn't crossed my path in awhile. its been days since i last wrote something....to those who don't know me well, or who happened to stumble across my humble blog, writing songs is my form of therapy. if i dont write or am unable to write i get uneasy, what with having all my feelings and thoughts bottled inside my heart and mind respectively. songs are my way of communicating my very personal feelings. so i decided to write some of it in a blog...not so much personal since i dont know the person it is about personally

btw new blog layout featuring the amazingly talented Peter Wentz...my idol. the next bit explains the title of this blog and the words of the layout (its the same title so yea)..

i just read this old article about my idol, Peter Wentz, for the first time; about how he went through a period where he was afraid to do anything because he thought he would die...he became obsessed with his own mortality after seeing so much death and destruction with the tsunami...he was scared to a point he was afraid to go to sleep..afraid that he would never wake up. he starting taking anti-anxiety medication but the medication to the real Pete away from everyone. he was there physically but not mentally.

reading this article really brought tears to my eyes and to be honest...i was angry with him for being 'weak' even though this happened in August....i know its wrong to be angry with him especially since i don't know him personally. but i idolized this man for always being honest through his lyrics and being able to share with complete strangers his inner most thoughts and feelings and always stable and on his feet. he came across as such a strong, well rounded guy...reading this article i learned he didn't tell Andy (or anyone else for that matter) what was happening to him...and he had known Andy basically all his life. it just made me angry as he is my idol BECAUSE he always said that there was no point putting fictional "bullshit" out there to their fans and that being real and honest was the way to go....and he didnt practice what he preached...

i know i just had a little rant session about this but: reading my thoughts just made me realise that even the strongest of people break down at some point. that the strongest people have fears like Pete's. and this just made me see WHY i idolize him so much...weird how picturing him as the opposite person im idolizing made me realize that he IS real....he HAS fears...and this lead to me finally figuring out what their song "dark alley" was about..."the lines to the sucide note Wentz ,thankfully, didn't have to write". that song always bothered me not knowing what it meant. now i do, and thank god Pete found a way to share his feelings about that point in time with his fans. and i also understood why he did it. reading what he said wasnt enough....writting this to understand why i was upset made me understand why.....i guess its because of people who look up to him that he didn't want everyone to know about it. as the song goes: "i want to be known for my hits, not just my misses"...

the point of this blog? im not quite sure...just that it was bothering me and i needed to work it out...when u idolize some one for certain qualities and find out they did the opposite, u get taken aback if thats the right term...but thenu realize their only human.