insipration for writing is something that hasn't crossed my path in awhile. its been days since i last wrote something....to those who don't know me well, or who happened to stumble across my humble blog, writing songs is my form of therapy. if i dont write or am unable to write i get uneasy, what with having all my feelings and thoughts bottled inside my heart and mind respectively. songs are my way of communicating my very personal feelings. so i decided to write some of it in a blog...not so much personal since i dont know the person it is about personally

btw new blog layout featuring the amazingly talented Peter Wentz...my idol. the next bit explains the title of this blog and the words of the layout (its the same title so yea)..

i just read this old article about my idol, Peter Wentz, for the first time; about how he went through a period where he was afraid to do anything because he thought he would die...he became obsessed with his own mortality after seeing so much death and destruction with the tsunami...he was scared to a point he was afraid to go to sleep..afraid that he would never wake up. he starting taking anti-anxiety medication but the medication to the real Pete away from everyone. he was there physically but not mentally.

reading this article really brought tears to my eyes and to be honest...i was angry with him for being 'weak' even though this happened in August....i know its wrong to be angry with him especially since i don't know him personally. but i idolized this man for always being honest through his lyrics and being able to share with complete strangers his inner most thoughts and feelings and always stable and on his feet. he came across as such a strong, well rounded guy...reading this article i learned he didn't tell Andy (or anyone else for that matter) what was happening to him...and he had known Andy basically all his life. it just made me angry as he is my idol BECAUSE he always said that there was no point putting fictional "bullshit" out there to their fans and that being real and honest was the way to go....and he didnt practice what he preached...

i know i just had a little rant session about this but: reading my thoughts just made me realise that even the strongest of people break down at some point. that the strongest people have fears like Pete's. and this just made me see WHY i idolize him so much...weird how picturing him as the opposite person im idolizing made me realize that he IS real....he HAS fears...and this lead to me finally figuring out what their song "dark alley" was about..."the lines to the sucide note Wentz ,thankfully, didn't have to write". that song always bothered me not knowing what it meant. now i do, and thank god Pete found a way to share his feelings about that point in time with his fans. and i also understood why he did it. reading what he said wasnt enough....writting this to understand why i was upset made me understand why.....i guess its because of people who look up to him that he didn't want everyone to know about it. as the song goes: "i want to be known for my hits, not just my misses"...

the point of this blog? im not quite sure...just that it was bothering me and i needed to work it out...when u idolize some one for certain qualities and find out they did the opposite, u get taken aback if thats the right term...but thenu realize their only human.

wow....one week of school left...i can't believe how fast it came. i wrote a lil something before:

"My first day at Toowong College now seems like a dream to me. It feels like I've known my friends for all my life. Now, the school will be torn down to make way for a Smart Academy. Its funny; we were all saying how we wanted to get out of this school and transfer somewhere else, but when we found out about the transitioning, we realised just how much the school means to us. If it were not for this school, some of us would never have met. If it were not for this school, we would never have a grade this close. If it were not for this school, I would never have met the best friends I have ever had. As the saying goes “You don't know what you've got 'till it's gone”.

i never realised how true that saying was until now...yea i had bestfriends in singapore and i still consider them to be my bestfriends coz i love them...but here its different. since its a small school, we're all alot closer. and there's really no groups since we all basically hang out together.

resentment washes over me and its so overwhelming...i really gonna miss everyone...i want monday and tuesday to be over and done with coz after that, no more exams. but at the same time, i wish the days never come coz i dont want it to end.

im gonna miss everyone...trish lala lyss sam dyl tom ben welly brando izac tim l. salim tim g. sara kate...trish lala lyss sam tim l. & tim g.... least ive got u guys next yr! rest r goin 2 indro...cept brando whos moving away...the bitch! nah jks luv u brando! hmm...luv u every1!!! hope we all stay in touch...we betta *shakes fists*

crap ima miss tom!! lols sad stuff i noe....but i really like the guy: YES!!! I ADMIT! not like he dont already noe but....*sighs* 8 months and i still like him....cant seem 2 get ova him...just yea...i really like him but i think he likes lyss but dunno? anyway sidetracking here...

hmm....its gonna be a hard week...dont wanna go coz sayin bye will be hard. but i wanna go too...not like that made any sense but yea...

---

If I could catch a rainbow,
I would do it just for you,
And share with you its beauty
On the days you're feeling blue
If I could build a mountain
You could call your very own,
A place to find serenity,
A place to be alone
If I could take your troubles
I would toss them in the sea,
But all these things I'm finding
Are impossible for me
I cannot build a mountain,
Or catch a rainbow fair,
But let me be what I know best,
A friend who's always there

A friend is someone we turn to
when our spirits need a lift.
A friend is someone we treasure
for our friendship is a gift.
A friend is someone who fills our lives
with beauty, joy, and grace.
And makes the whole world we live in
a better and happier place.

---

kk...enuf of this mushy stuff lols! luv you guys...
if friends were flowers, i'd pick all of you!! MWA!!

so highlight of today was soccer in the hall during our lunch break. it was a pretty good game and i think i did pretty well this time round....i didnt screw up anywhere!! YUS. lol but yea...i pulled muscles in my ass though...then ben hipped me on the ass when we both were tryina get the ball out from unda the chairs (opposing teams). so yea made it worse but bens amazing so i forgave him!

um...so tom & i spoke today. lol sounds like a weird sentence but yea. we spoke more then usual. in geography. i really wish i didnt go 2 dyl's party so the kiss wud neva hv happened n it wud be all g wif us kinda. but yea i think it fucked everything up that kiss did. fuck!! um yes...im geography lala and i swapped keyboards and typed msgs to each otha. it was fun. tom started to read what she was typing to me coz he sat behind me. so then lala wrote 'GO AWAY TOM!!' and tom read it out, laughed, and kept reading. then lala went on to type me a question asking if i still liked him but stopped mid sentence when she remembered tom was reading behind me!! but every1 knew what she was gonna ask....how embarrassing!!

then english was pretty normal. ben & i sat 2geva 4 the most part lol. helped him wif his advertisement thingo and 'twas lost of fun. i luked thru his txt msgs on his phone too. lols hes got some pretty funny sent ones that he claims to hv never sent...sure ben! lol nah jks. then came soccer during break then hpe....we didnt do anything really. we were meant 2 do work but we got webber off topic and he started telling us stories till there was less then 5 mins in the class left. then the bell rung lol and yea. ben left afta hpe so i said bye 2 him n we hugged n miss walsh came out and got all nervous and told us bout the 30cm rule. its a stupid rule really...its just a hug!! geez louise...anyway..thats all that happened really. im gonna go catch some ZZzzzz.....